100 days

A fun milestone in the school year is 100 days in. My school is starting September 8th and if I’ve counted right that puts us at about Friday, February 12th. The dead of Winter…or the promise of Spring lingers over mid February like indecision over a moot point because for forever, Winter has given way to Spring eventually, give or take a few days.

But 100 days is all I have.

I start this school year as a long term sub, which caps at 100 days for the fact that the state has not yet granted me my teaching license and this is the best the school district can do.

But I won’t dwell.

Well, let me dwell a little. I read one teacher’s post and it kind of took my breath away. She said:

ɪ ʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ꜱɪᴍᴜʟᴛᴀɴᴇᴏᴜꜱʟʏ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ɢᴜɪʟᴛʏ ꜰᴏʀ ɴᴏᴛ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴅᴏɴᴇ.

Who among us doesn’t understand her feelings? All of us – we’re all running (willingly running!) into a burning building because we want to teach. I understand her feelings but, truth be told, I do not feel this way.

Me? I want the work and I feel so ready to jump in and be part of the community in which I live, being of service to people I don’t even know yet, so I am trying not to resent the feeling that I will be working hard to teach roughly 125 teens this school year for 1/4 of the money, no benefits and a cap at 100 days. I’m struggling to understand how this is okay and what happens with the kids on day 101. But in the words of one infamous president, “It is what it is.”

𝗢𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝘆, 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝗲.

If you want to understand this quote better, you can read more about it here but suffice it to say that self sacrifice is heroism in his eyes, and if that is so, every teacher is a hero.

I understand the teacher’s angst. The stakes are high – and I’m in a school district which is promoting self care and collaboration so we don’t feel like we’re all alone in this nutty year of distancing. I am happy to run into the burning building that is education during a pandemic, but I can’t help feeling that I’m not running in so much as bungie jumping in and just before I meet the grounding, and find the traction that surely takes 100 days, my contract will spring me back and leave me swaying and swinging, helpless in a harness I’d prefer not to wear.

She feels resentful. Others feel overwhelmed. Some feel as confused as a chameleon in a bag full of skittles. To be sure, these are confusing days for all. But I’m stepping into this school year without confusion. I have 100 days, a partial school year to dig in, build a learning community strive to slice the bungee cord and shrug off the harness so I can find my footing in education this year and beyond.